Posted by Brian McCullough
On Tuesday, I posted a link to a Wired article giving you tips on how to keep your boss from snooping on you at work.
A reader pointed out that if you scrolled down below that, you’d see a list of tips written by Dilbert creator Scott Adams entitled “Look Busy.”
So, I went to check, and sure enough, it’s there and it’s funny. Just so you don’t miss out on the ha-ha, h/t Scott Adams, How To Look Busy At Work:
Complain that you’re totally swamped at every opportunity. Use phrases like “up to my ass in alligators” and “jumping from one fire to another” to make your job sound kind of sexy and dangerous.
Carry a piece of paper wherever you go. To give yourself the necessary urgent facial expression and body language, imagine it’s something incredibly important, like a stay of execution from the governor.
Never clean your cubicle. After all, if you had any spare cycles you wouldn’t let yourself live like a pig.
Emailing looks like work. Email friends and family often.
If you feel like talking instead of working, talk to your boss. That counts as work no matter what you’re chatting about. The ideal topic of conversation is how poorly all of your coworkers are performing.
If you wear glasses, leave an old pair on the desk as though you will be right back. Then go home.
Leave voicemails for coworkers at 1:00 am, even if you’re getting up just to take a whiz. If you really want to inspire awe, leave a message for your boss with your thoughts on the company’s outdated filing system at 11:30 pm on New Year’s Eve.
Be sure to get involved in unquantifiable projects. You want to be doing a lot of consulting and advising and attending. Avoid anything with a hard and fast deadline.
Learn to sleep with your back to the cubicle entrance. You’ll have to practice to keep your head from slumping over, but it’s worth it. If you can’t pull that off, try a neck brace painted the same color as your skin.
Bitch about your job as much as possible. This is considered work even though it’s fun.